Monday, April 10, 2006
Where My Head Is...
I'm not sure really. I haven't felt like I have had much to say on my blog, and even though I'm still addicted to reading other blogs... I don't have any words of inspiration, or things to add after I read the daily entries of others. In addition to adoption blogs, I have also started a small collection of rhodesian ridgeback blogs that I follow... I'm up to my eyeballs on stuff to read everyday. This doesn't include all of the crazy Yahoo groups I belong to either.
I think that there are a few reasons for this.
1. I'm desperate to start the adoption process but I can't. I have the family, the house, the knowledge, and we even have set aside the money... but we can't start until we've been married longer.
2. I'm desperate to have a dog, but Michael and I have decided that we will wait to get the dog until our children are home and we can do this as a family when we are settled in. The dog will be able to get used to children as it grows up as well. This just makes the wait harder because I'm waiting to start the adoption, waiting for the kids, and then waiting for the dog!
3. I'm afraid that once we start the process, something will come up during the homestudy and we'll be turned down as eligible adoptive parents. There are a few reasons for this - length of our marriage, Michael's non-regular income (he has his own business - real estate - and it's all commission), our relationships (or lack of relationships) with some family members. That's a whole other story!
4. Even if everything goes OK with #3 (homestudy), we'll be denied along the way (one of the reasons above) OR something will change in Russia and we'll end up in the process for 12-24 months or longer.
5. Why are we doing all of this waiting? Paperwork? Scutiny? Spending $30-$40K? We could just as well try to have our own family. We've never tried to get pregnant so fertility is an unknown. Is this even an option? What if we don't connect with our referrals?
I think I'm just going through a funk - this all started with the rhodesian ridgeback weekend & our eventual discussion to hold off on that adoption. There are other RR events that I can participate in over the next couple of months, same for adoption picnics, but I just feel like I'm the kid in the corner wanting to play but not having the right clothes or toys to join in.
OK, must stop whining and make dinner. It's Monday... Pork chops, mashed potatoes, veggie and applesauce!
I think that there are a few reasons for this.
1. I'm desperate to start the adoption process but I can't. I have the family, the house, the knowledge, and we even have set aside the money... but we can't start until we've been married longer.
2. I'm desperate to have a dog, but Michael and I have decided that we will wait to get the dog until our children are home and we can do this as a family when we are settled in. The dog will be able to get used to children as it grows up as well. This just makes the wait harder because I'm waiting to start the adoption, waiting for the kids, and then waiting for the dog!
3. I'm afraid that once we start the process, something will come up during the homestudy and we'll be turned down as eligible adoptive parents. There are a few reasons for this - length of our marriage, Michael's non-regular income (he has his own business - real estate - and it's all commission), our relationships (or lack of relationships) with some family members. That's a whole other story!
4. Even if everything goes OK with #3 (homestudy), we'll be denied along the way (one of the reasons above) OR something will change in Russia and we'll end up in the process for 12-24 months or longer.
5. Why are we doing all of this waiting? Paperwork? Scutiny? Spending $30-$40K? We could just as well try to have our own family. We've never tried to get pregnant so fertility is an unknown. Is this even an option? What if we don't connect with our referrals?
I think I'm just going through a funk - this all started with the rhodesian ridgeback weekend & our eventual discussion to hold off on that adoption. There are other RR events that I can participate in over the next couple of months, same for adoption picnics, but I just feel like I'm the kid in the corner wanting to play but not having the right clothes or toys to join in.
OK, must stop whining and make dinner. It's Monday... Pork chops, mashed potatoes, veggie and applesauce!
9 Comments:
Adopt A Child.orgAdopting from Russia
Eastern European Adoption Coalition, Inc
Embassy of the Russian Federation
Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption
Karen's Adoption Links
Older Child Adoption
Russia Adoption Blog
Russian Adoption Medical Services
Russian Family Search
Russian Toys
Vernissage Press
Don't worry about the homestudy. We all want to be perfect, but what they want to see are people that are real. Everybody has something in their past. They'll look at the entirety of your life stories and see how great of parents you will be. You're already making sacrifices for these children you're dreaming about. Not many would do that.
Waiting is definitely the hard part, but maybe you can plan out some baby steps to help get you through..attending seminars, starting to choose an agency, getting some preliminary paperwork together (passports, birth certificates, etc).
It's a complicated road, but it has to be worth it at the end!
And don't worry about the Home Study. Everyone always tells me the same thing you don't have to be perfect. I learned that they are also thinking about Russia's requirements, so I imagine they'll let you know if there is a concern.
The down-time and waiting may have you in a funk, but look at this as your opportunity to live it up. Decisions that have already been made and situations largely out of your control should be in the back of your mind, not the forefront.
You'll kick yourself later for not having taken full advantage of this opportunity. Live it up!
We do have our agency picked out, since their accrediation is umbrella'd under an agency which expires in May I am curious how that will all play out. Also if Russia begins to be more strict about umbrella agencies, we may switch to the parent agency if things look rocky when we start (or hoping that would be an option in the contract).
Eric is right - we must live it up now that we have the opportunity.
As far as reaccreditation, getting rejected, etc. I, for one, have worried myself sick over these things with no progress. It doesn't help! It will all work out. I wish you the best of luck and can't wait for you to be a Mom.