Finally, here's the Q&A post...

Why do you call her M?

Most PAPs (pre-adoptive parents) use a nickname for their child on their blog. Some even keep blogging under the nickname once the adoption is final. The nickname is used to protect the identity of the child. That’s why there are not any pictures on the blog either.

Our nickname isn’t creative at all. M is the first letter of her name. Actually, she goes by a nickname which begins with R.


Were you able to learn about M’s history? How long has she been in the orphanage? Does she know anything about her parents?

The first day we met M, we were able to review her file and ask questions. After reading many adoption books, we have decided not to reveal detailed information about her past to anyone. The story we share is “M has been in an orphanage for almost her entire life.”

The rationale for this is that we want M to know her history first – since it’s her story to tell – and if she wants to talk about it we are fully supportive. At age appropriate times and levels, we will tell her what we know about her history and birthparents.


What are the next steps?

When we were in Russia, we signed a petition to adopt M. We brought some updated paperwork with us, but we didn’t bring everything so that is what we have been working on to complete by 12/12. This paperwork is being hand-carried to Moscow as we speak for translation.

Our coordinator will make a trip to the region on 12/19. She will take all of the new paperwork, and meet with the judge. The goal of the meeting is to get a court date for end of January or February. We hope to hear from our agency on 12/20 or 12/21.


Does she know that she is being adopted?

Yes, M knows that we are adopting her and we live in America. We told her this on the second day. We also asked her if she wanted to be adopted by us and she said yes. We have also reinforced this message via emails to our translator who is teaching her English on Fridays.

I don’t remember if I mentioned this in my blog but the first afternoon we met M she asked our translator why we didn’t speak Russian. She had to explain to M that we are from America and in America they do not speak Russian.


Has she seen pictures of her new house? Thani? Yoshi?

M has seen pictures of our house, her room, car, yard, pool and friends & family. And the pets!


How soon will it be until you go back to get her?

The million dollar question!


Is it a sure thing that you will get her?

Nothing in Russian adoption is a sure thing until the adoption decree goes final after the 10-day waiting period. It is still possible for a Russian family to adopt her now until the court date, or if a family member decides that they want to adopt her up until finalization (from what I understand).


When can we meet her?

We are going to see how things go. Right now our thoughts are that we will probably have limited visitors the first month we are home. We will probably not have any overnight visitors. We will need to establish a routine with M, and work on bonding & attachment so that she comes to us for all of her needs.

That said, if she is doing well, we will begin the process of introducing her with family, friends and other children. We would like to take advantage of my maternity leave and visit Portland, and go back home to Chicago to see everyone. This will probably happen two months after we get back if it seems like the right thing to do.


Will she go to school?

Since she is 6.5 years old we want to get her into school as soon as possible – pending attachment, behavior and language transitions. She is a smart girl, and very active, so we expect she would do well around other children and learning.

Contacting the local elementary school is on my list of things to do for next week. We will have her tested and get whatever services she qualifies for. My hope is that she will test into kindergarden so she isn’t too far behind. I’m also going to see if we can get her into an educational summer school program so she is ready for 1st grade in the Fall.

I would like to transition her into school towards the end of my maternity leave.


Are you going to keep her name?

Right now her name is M (birthname) + Lillian (my Russian grandmother, and also the middle name of Michael’s mother and grandmother) + our last name. If we like we can change her name again when we re-adopt her in California.

When we met her she did not ask us for a new name which sometimes happens with older children. The children hear from their friends who are getting adopted that they have a new name and/or want to make a fresh start with their new family. M can write her name. Her name translates into English so we don't have a problem there either.


What about girl #2?

We have asked our coordinator to look for a sister for M. That said, we will need to go through the whole process again (state, federal and Russian paperwork) if we would like to adopt girl #2.

We are thinking that we will see how things progress with M and then as a family decide what the next steps will be and when. We would like M to be part of the process next time.